I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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