Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
