did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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