I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
