Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
