she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
