Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
