Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
