Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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