We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
