Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
