Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
