my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
