You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I had to cum in my sink.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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