Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
