You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
