You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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