you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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