so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
