i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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