dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
