He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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