Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
