As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
