Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is the high leading the old right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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