It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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