life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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