you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
