Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
