i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
