Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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