I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
