Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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