For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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