don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
