Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
