Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
