Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
