I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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