someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
