So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
