i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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