So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Randomize
