I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
