I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
