We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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