Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
