I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
