Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
