It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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