dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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